“You watch me sleep till unknowingly you fell asleep but now you couldn’t care less. Every details you take note of but you don’t now. Each time we are on the road you would take a look at me when it goes red, now turning to me is a difficulty. You know I’m sensitive when I haven told you but now that I did, you don’t bother. Always telling me you will but I guess after a period of time you added a ‘not’. I used to feel special”—
I don’t want to wake up in the middle of the night soaking my pillow in a sea of sadness. This mind keeps creating obstacles knowing that i wouldn’t be able to take it just to watch me fall in the hands of paranoia. This paranoia is going to destroy me one day, break the ties I had with everyone then watch me drown in the sea of tears I collected. The deeper I go, the more I need rely on you and the fact that I can’t have your assurance makes me dwell in this well. Not even a rope nor ladder unless I begged. No one is ever patient for me, no one.
“How to kill someone;
Hold their hand and then never touch their skin again,
See them nearly everyday and pretend they don’t exist,
Act like everything you ever said to them was a lie.”—(via hannahmhm)
It’s ironic when you’re lying right beside me and I can’t answer you why am I more happy last time. Which you knew, which did not affect you, which hurts me even more. When you don’t bother at all. Simply ignore. So I guess that’s how much you claim that you love me. Which some part of me telling me not to fall deeper. Just few days back when you surprise me at my place, when I told you I saw you but I thought I was dreaming, that’s for real. I dream about you and him. Not the first time though. Everytime I type here, I just wanted you to know it indirectly, not for you to ignore but if that’s the case. So be it, probably next time you would feel something about all these words