It’s ironic when you’re lying right beside me and I can’t answer you why am I more happy last time. Which you knew, which did not affect you, which hurts me even more. When you don’t bother at all. Simply ignore. So I guess that’s how much you claim that you love me. Which some part of me telling me not to fall deeper. Just few days back when you surprise me at my place, when I told you I saw you but I thought I was dreaming, that’s for real. I dream about you and him. Not the first time though. Everytime I type here, I just wanted you to know it indirectly, not for you to ignore but if that’s the case. So be it, probably next time you would feel something about all these words
I miss the feeling of speeding. The only feeling that would make me feel ease and totally feels that everything is just behind my back, like I don’t have to bother at all which make me feel like who am I. Like everything is in my control.
Get rid of the things that upsets me. Get rid of the things that made me stay awake. Get rid of the things that occupy my mind. Get rid of the things that make me feel insecure. Get rid of it because you love me. Nah, I know you won’t. That explains why I ain’t happy even though I tried to smile. That explains why I kept waking up in the middle of the night being afraid, having my mind gone wild. Because once I close my eyes, all I see is those things. Those things that is tearing me apart.
“There’s so many things I want to say that’s holding back and I know you wouldn’t like it if it’s a direct message send to you. I may be fine, but those image just simply stays in my head which I couldn’t delete it just like that. It made me so confused.”—
“It’s jealousy, and everything we do to keep it at bay, that creates a problem. Because when you get in the habit of relying on having a sense of ownership of another person in order to feel comfortable loving them, there is never enough. No matter how well-controlled and monitored they are, no matter how intertwined your lives become, it won’t be enough to fully kill the jealousy, if it’s a thing you allow yourself to feel at all.”—Thought catalog